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Monday, April 26, 2010

Be selfish in Love.

I would like to ask a question :
What would you prefer first? You or your relationship? Although answering “the relationship” may sound correct to you now. It is a unhealthy and wrong way to live thinking relationship comes first.
Often people have relationships based on having fear of losing, being dependent on the partner and having insecurites about ourselves.
It is only when you can respect and love yourself first, that the relationship can be a truly loving one and not one based on need, dependency, fear, or insecurities.
In simpler way when we travel in a plane, We are given instructions that in an emergency we should put mask on ourselves first rather than helping our child our partner. Has anyone wondered why do they say this? Don't you feel it is kind of slefish to help ourselves FIRST before helping others? If you consider it selfish, the answer is how can you help someone when you’re unconscious or struggling for breath?
Love is similar to that mask. We can’t fully love our partner unless we love ourself FIRST. Strap that air mask on good and tight, and we will be able to love endless amount. If we don’t love
ourself first, we have no love to give. If you truly put yourself first in love, nurture yourself, honor what you want, and make YOUR happiness the number one priority, you are better equipped to love others. By doint this We canlove others to the degree we love ourselves.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sometimes lying is necessary

Sometimes lying is necessary.

I belive that, no relationship in this world can withstand TRUTH and only truth. Whether we like it or not, it appears that our relationships are held together, not only by telling the truth, but by also telling an occasional lie. I basically am trying to say that the truth can be used as a "weapon of destruction" in our close relationships. Some people use that, some don't.Accoring to me, People who lie to their partner is because they don't want to hurt them. People lie, because they still want to continue, knowing that they have done few things wrong, they still are willing to continue. If a person has committed a mistake and knows to himself that he can commit that mistake again, or this is the way I want to live, Why would he lie about this to his partner? He would rather tell his partner the truth, get away with him ( which is obvious ) and enjoy the things he did secretly without any further fear of being get caught. Don't you all think so?


On the other side, when we really want to quit a relationship, we often say what we really think. This happens when either of the partner is no longer concerned about keeping a relationship intact, the truth comes out fast and furious and it stings. Telling the truth in a romantic relationship can often lead to a lot of hurt, pain, and suffering - deception is not a luxury, sometimes lying is absolutely necessary.
People need to be true and original, ofcourse. People need to be original to themselves when facing problems because the surest defense against such problems is extreme individualism, originality of thinking. That is, something that can't be feigned, faked, imitated.

The belief that one needs to be true to someone for being into a relationship is not 100% practical. Everything changes. Nothing is constant. A person needs to have FAITH on himself and on his partner. Faith which is that quality that enables us to belive what WE know is UNTRUE. People having mutual faith in themselves can always remain happy. The thing important here is one should be true to himself.
If people in this world try to know all these things and the meaning of these things, life becomes so carefree. We all should try to know people as much as we can. And we should put no obstructions to it.

I firmly belive that Lies that build are better than truths that destroy.

P.S- Make no mistake about it, telling the truth is necessary in a close relationship But, always telling the truth often leads to more problems than good.

Friday, April 16, 2010

how to have a good relation


I belive that a Good relationship should have the following qualites if its Good in true sense. And if we all think we share Good relationship with some one, but dont have the following qualites I'l be mentioning here should consider the following points. Because over the years, I have realised that these qualties are just so basic. Yet sometimes they are missing in our relationship. If we try to have these in our relationship, our relationship can get better than we thought.

I will be writing all the qualites that I feel are essential, because I think that relationships should be our top priorty. Because when they get or become Good they not only satisfy our needs, but also make our life easier and fulfilling.

But before that, I think the basic problem of any relationship is selfishness. And the main reason behind the problem is we often get into a relationship thinking we will get what we want. But we should focus or concentrate on giving rather than taking. So the first step is to GIVE rather than TAKE. If you have this quality in your relationship, CONGRATS.haha. If not, try it. It will get your relationship better.

Next problem is, we often tend to chose perfect love ( partner ) rather than creating that perfect love. The fact is no one is perfect in this world. We often make mistakes when we search for the perfect partner. If something goes wrong, we start blaming the other partner for it, without trying to know that can we ourselves change a bit on that particular situation. If the relationship is true, one can always find place to improve and change.

The third and most seen problem is MISTAKES. haha. No one admits mistake at first place. But in a good relationship, both parties aren’t afraid to admit mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they openly admit the mistakes they make. They can then work together to correct the mistakes. This, of course, is not easy to do. It takes a humble heart to admit mistakes.

Also, I belive In a good relationship, both partners should be good listeners. If they are willing to understand their partner’s position first before trying to get understood and make conclusions. Doing this is much easier when both sides see the relationship as an opportunity to give.


Something out of the topic, But it helps making a relaion grow strong.


And then the problems that dont need any explainations are misunderstanding and respect. No matter how worse the situation is, think for others, rather than considering how you are feeling. Have respect and try to sort out the misunderstanding part, instead of acting kiddish and making conclusions. Because If a person loves us truely, no matter how bad he turns at the end, he surely has a reason for it. So try to understand the reason, maybe you can act on it. And get your relationship in full form. Instead of having hatred and ignoring. Because this will only help you get away with that person. And ignoring is no way a solution to any problem. And this may repeat with your future partners too.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hatred

Hatred
Why do we hate people? According to me, One of the reasons for hating a person is because we wish to love a person, whom we cannot love. Perhaps that person himself prevents you from loving him. This may be disguised form of love. And when we fail to love that person, we start hating him.
I belive Love and hate are often described to be diametrically opposed; in this case, it is impossible to speak about hating the one we love without engaging in a logical contradiction.
First, love is broader in scope than hate, as it refers to more features of the person. While in hate the object is considered to be basically a bad agent, in romantic love the object is perceived to be both good and attractive. Second, there are many varieties of each emotion (and there are more kinds of love than of hate), and each kind cannot be the exact opposite of all other kinds of the other emotion.
Also i belive and support this feeling very strongly, that maybe we hate a person because we hate something in that person which is part of us. What is not part of us, it doesnt affect or disturb us. Like a person may hate some one because he goes to play down and returns late in the night. Now he may hate him for this, because he is not allowed to do so. Or he doesnt wish to do so.
Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They all live inside our heart. And sometimes they win. Sometimes Love can become a fertile ground for the emergence of hate. Because when the intensity and intimacy of love turns sour, hate may be generated. In these circumstances, hate serves as a channel of communication when other paths are blocked, and it functions to preserve the powerful closeness of the relationship, in which both connection and separation are impossible.
I would also like to consider the following testimony of a man convicted of killing his wife (cited in the book, In the Name of Love): "You don't always kill a woman or feel jealousy about a woman or shout at a woman because you hate her. No. Because you love her, that's love." No doubt, love can be extremely dangerous, and people have committed the most horrific crimes in the name of love.
This explains that monsters and ghosts are real.
A girl may say that she dearly loves her partner in general but hates him because he of his dishonesty. Accordingly, people do say something like: "I love and hate you at the same time." In this kind of attitude the profound positive and negative reactions or expressions are maybe beacuse of different aspects of the person.
After all this I only have to say that hatred can be ended by love. And not by hatred. And try your best to not to hate any one. Hate the sin a person commits, but dont hate the sinner. Because he may have commited that sin for a reason unknown to you.. Or hate a person for that reason for which he commits a sin.
We may hate someone because we love him and are unable to free ourselves of our love for him, or because this love is not reciprocated.
So whats the solution? Try your best to love that person. And if that person tries the same. YOUR hatred ends, the best thing that can happen to you. The feeling you get when you start loving the person you hate is something really good.

Trust

Trust
Trust according to me is, is to get to know the people and trust them to be who they are. And not trust them for who we want them to be. Because when this does not happen we have the feeling of " I dont trust you ". which is quite wrong.
For me, i belive that there is a lot of difference between trust and expectation. Yet it has striking resemblence. People who belive that, they Trust some one completely need to know this, it is practically impossible to trust anyone. And it is a terrible fact. Whether we like it or not. Psychologically there is nothing in the world, that you can put your faith, your trust, or your belief in. Neither your gods, nor your science can save you, can bring you psychological certainty; and you have to accept that you can trust in absolutely nothing.
But this is true only for people who call their expectations to be trust. Ofcourse everyone can be trusted for something or the other. People can be trusted for their bad nature or good nature.
The thing which i hate the most nowdays is people judge future by its past. Not all. But few. Why do we not give a person a chance to prove himself.? I dont know about all, but in general, why do we have the feeling of " i dont trust him " after the person doesnt satisfy your expectations? How do we judge a person that he is not to be trusted? In short what i feel is, we dont trust ourselves to trust that person..
It is really complicated to state something about a person related to trust and faith. Because we usually make statements considering the bad things about a person, which sometimes are situational. Situations sometimes make people untrusted. But what matters the most is, the person should be true to his heart, should know what he wants, should let others know what he wants, and if he has guilt, he should have the confidence on himself on not repeating that again.. if this is the case with a person., i belive he can be trusted.
We all in our lives have broken someone's trust. We sometimes realise it. Sometimes we dont.
It is really sad to know people who dont belive on paintings, but belive on photographs. Some people dont belive paintings because they are man made, but the fail to notice the feelings put in the paintings. This can be related to trust. We often fail to know the EXACT reason for which the person has lied, and we start making statements as " I dont trust him " failing to notice the reason for which he has lied. The reason sometimes counts. There can be alot of emotions behind a reason for which a person lies. Sometimes people are trusted even more, after their reasons are known.
Basically i have written all this, for only one purpose and that is, to help people who face such types of situations. It is really childish if a person decides not to trust a certain person for few wrong things commited by him Having a vaild reason. It really should not happen to any one. It does not mean to trust a thief that he would not steal things. But if you come to know that theif has changed his mind or changed his nature of work, or had some reasons for which he stole things, he can be forgiven, because people change. And they change for a reason.
I would also like to tell you all this:
I belive to Trust again and again. so When the trust level gets high enough, I belive people transcend apparent limits, discover new and awesome abilities for which they were previously unaware..